How Heather got her groove back...Part I

After having three babies in five years, I knew that I had gained a few pounds and lost some muscle tone. I was not prepared, however, for the reality of my changed body.

In the winter of 2004, I stepped into a 360' mirrored dressing room to try on new undergarments, and experienced my first panic attack. Honestly, I thought a stranger had accidentally stepped into the wrong dressing room. As the realization dawned that the stranger was me, tears began to flow down my cheeks and my shoulders shuddered. How had I let this happen? I closed my eyes, unable to look at myself any longer, filled with anger, sadness and shame.

Sure I knew I was putting on weight. I knew that my pre-pregnancies clothing did not fit, but I had just piled the new larger sizes on top of the smaller sizes. I wore loose fitting, matronly styles that hid my body, and never caused discomfort. My home was devoid of full length mirrors and I insisted on being the one to take pictures, rarely appearing in photographs. I had effectively separated my body from my consciousness. But this numb comfort had come at a price...I also hadn't noticed the grey fog of depression that had settled around me in the process.

*Too be continued.... Right now, I have to get ready to ride my bike to work!